Life is Hard... and then you Poop

Poop... Eww, right? 

Did you know that poop is useful sometimes? Some animal poop is used as manure to fertilize plants the we eventually eat, and some people have made machines that can harness the methane in human poop and convert it to energy! Cool right?

We all have poopy times in our lives, but they don't always have to be so... poopy.

                     

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I am dedicating this post to my nephew, Chappy, who I love so much.

I was diagnosed with Crohn's disease in High School. I got so sick.... I lost 27 unnecessary pounds- going from 120 to 93. At one point I wondered if I was bulimic because I was throwing up so much. (Just so you know I decided that I wasn't bulimic because I never WANTED to throw up- and to this day I have a very strong constitution because of it). I remember my sister, Karen, telling me I looked like a corpse.  When I was a senior I honestly worried that I wouldn't graduate High School because I couldn't keep up with the work load.  During that time I felt like I would never be "normal and healthy" again. I was seriously afraid I would be sick and infirm for the rest of my life.

This is both the darkest and brightest time in my life. This is when I gained an unwavering testimony of the gospel of Jesus Christ. When I was in horrendous pain and I didn't have medication, or the medication wasn't working, I would sit and sing hymns to myself and the pain literally went away! I received so many blessings of healing that truly helped me to heal- physically- for the times when I NEEDED respite from the pain. Then the pain came back and I was able to deal with it again. I walked hand in hand with the Lord, and he proved to me that I will never be alone. That is the most precious blessing I have ever received.

As many of you know, I still have Crohn's disease but I am not sick like I once was. I got better, and now I have one or two flare ups per year. Totally manageable. I still have to watch my diet, but I can do it. I am married, I have a baby. I have the life I worried I would never be able to have, because even though I was afraid, I chose to have hope. too.

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My husband, Joe, has OCD. I'm not talking about the kind of OCD where you "like" to have a clean house, or you "must" fold your laundry a certain way. His mind MADE him perform certain ritualistic tasks, like touching a specific spot so many times, and making noises or walking a certain way. If he didn't do it perfectly he would have to do it again until he got it right. It got so bad that he sometimes cried himself to sleep because he couldn't satisfy his OCD.

In middle school he started taking Prozac to counter his symptoms. Prozac artificially increases dopamine production, which is a neurotransmitter in the brain that makes you happy. Because he was getting dopamine from the drug, his brain said, "Hey I don't have to produce any more dopamine, because I'm getting it from a different source." It worked for a week or a month and then stopped working, because his body adjusted to the medication. Then they bumped his dosage up, and it would work again or a week or a month and the cycle would start all over again. This happened several times until he was on the maximum legal dosage for Prozac, and his OCD was just as bad as it was before he ever started taking it. It was no longer useful to be taking the medication. The problem was when he accidentally missed a day now and then, and eventually when he stopped taking Prozac all together his OCD was 10 times worse than it was normally. It was horrible. But his body eventually adjusted back to normal.

Joe still has OCD and I still have Crohn's disease, but we work through it and we have a really good life. Never stop hoping. Never stop trusting the Lord and his purposes. He loves you more than anyone else. He will help you.

When You're Trying to Do Good

I read this blog article last night about infertility and it really touched me. I have never experienced infertility, and it was good to learn a little more about what people with infertility go through, but the real take away for me was in a quote shared by Sheri Dew. She said, 

“If you're serious about sanctification, you can expect to experience heart-wrenching moments that try your faith, your endurance, and your patience.”

Wow wow wow... YES! I have absolutely felt these "heart-wrenching moments" as I have tried to sanctify my heart to the Lord. Sometimes it feels like I am taking one step forward, and three steps back, but it's worth it. I know that if I put my trust in the Lord I can be happy and hope, regardless. 

(This is not a recent picture, but I just found it, and it's awesome)

Last week was a whirlwind.

Monday was pretty much the worst day of my life I've had in a Long time. I was extremely depressed, which is unusual for me. Tuesday was more of the same until I 

put my baby down for a nap in the afternoon and then kneeled in front of my couch to pray. The spirit helped me to realize that for two days now (Monday and Tuesday) I had been trying to start waking up at 6 am, before my baby wakes us, to study the scriptures and spend time with the Lord. I realized that when you want to make a positive change in your life you will have opposition; and usually the intensity of the opposition will be as bad as the change is good. I guess that means studying the scriptures is REALLY good.

After my scripture study on Tuesday I felt great! On Wednesday I was on top of the world. (Yeah, my scripture study was THAT awesome). Then on Thursday I had some digestion trouble which triggered a Crohn's flare up, so for two whole days I was as sick as sick can be, and now I am finally feeling back to normal. Because of being so sick I haven't read my scriptures at all for several days. It's time to get back up at 6 am tomorrow. 

Oh, and PS you know how my last post was about wanting to have Family Home Evenings now and I gave you my lesson plan for last Monday? It totally didn't happen because I was so depressed. Perhaps that's another reason my emotions were attacked so viciously.

Moral of the story: Be good. Prayer works. Try to have joy in the journey. Trust in God. Don't be afraid to sanctify yourself to the Lord because you're scared of the opposition. If we want to be like our Father some day we're going to need all the opposition we can get.

Family Home Evening: President Monson

Hey ya'll.

I don't know why I said ya'll... I never say ya'll.

I guess I'm feeling pretty happy today. Last night we put our swim suits on and went to the Highland Glenn Park in American Fork and SWAM in the little lake. It was SO MUCH FUN! Even Parker loved it. Then this morning we went hiking with the cub scouts at Battle Creek Falls here in PG. There's something about being outside with your family that is magical. I feel so... content. I feel like content is too wimpy of a word though. Tranquil is more like it. I feel at peace. This is good because tomorrow is Sunday and that's been the HARDEST day of the week lately. Church is right during Parker's nap time and half of the time we end up coming home early from church to put her to bed, and the other half we stay at church and almost have a nervous breakdown. Last week there were tears. Many tears and ugly crying.

It's funny that lately we've been thinking about having another baby and sometimes we think, "Yeah we can do this. It would be great having another baby!" And then Sunday rolls around and it's so horrendous that we think, "Nevermind!! Not having another baby right now!" Which is silly because Parker is an angel baby and most of the time she's amazing!

This is all a deviation from what I actually wanted to share. So we're really bad at having Family Home Evenings. Like we don't do it ever. And I really want to start.

Here are my thoughts:
1. It needs to be planned in advance or else we won't do it.
2. It needs to be simple. I'm thinking a song, prayer, story (from general conference or the scriptures), a scripture, and a treat? Something like that.
3. The goal of FHE is to bring us together, invite healthy conversation, and help us be unified. If we don't have a long spiritual lesson that's okay. I just want some good quality time with my family, and anything is better than we're doing right now.



Here is my first Family Home Evening plan that we are going to do on Monday, July 20th. I thought I would share it (and subsequent plans) in case any of you need a little help too.

Theme: President Thomas S. Monson

Song: We Thank Thee O God for a Prophet

Scripture: Doctrine and Covenants 1:38

What I the Lord have spoken, I have spoken, and I excuse not myself; and though the heavens and the earth pass away, my word shall not pass away, but shall all be fulfilled, whether by mine own voice or by the voice of my servants, it is the same.

Quote (I just like it, okay?):

“If you are still in the process of raising children be aware the the piles and piles of laundry will disappear all too soon and that you will, to your surprise, miss them profoundly.”

Story:

Brother Edwin Q. Cannon Jr., we call him Ted, was a missionary to Germany in 1938. He loved the people and served faithfully. At the conclusion of his mission, he returned home to Salt Lake City. He married and commenced his own business.

Forty years passed by. One day Brother Cannon came to my office and said he had been pruning his missionary photographs. (That’s a good word. You go through all of them, throw two away, and keep all rest.) Among those photographs he had kept since his mission were several which he could not specifically identify. Every time he had planned to discard them, he had been impressed to keep them, although he was at a loss as to why. They were photographs taken by Brother Cannon during his mission when he served in Stettin, Germany, and were of a family—a mother, a father, a small girl, and a small boy. He knew their surname was Berndt but could remember nothing more about them. He indicated that he understood there was a Berndt who was a Church leader in Germany, and he thought, although the possibility was remote, that this Berndt might have some connection with the Berndts who had lived in Stettin and who were depicted in the photographs. Before disposing of the photos, he thought he would check with me.

I told Brother Cannon I was leaving shortly for Berlin, where I anticipated that I would see Dieter Berndt, the Church leader, and that I would show the photographs to him to see if there was any relationship and if he wanted them. There was a possibility I would also see Brother Berndt’s sister, who was married to Dietmar Matern, a stake president in Hamburg.

The Lord didn’t even let me get to Berlin before His purposes were accomplished. I was in Zurich, Switzerland, boarding the flight to Berlin, when who should also board the plane but Dieter Berndt. He sat next to me, and I told him I had some old photos of people named Berndt from Stettin. I handed them to him and asked if he could identify those shown in the photographs. As he looked at them carefully, he began to weep. He said, “Our family lived in Stettin during the war. My father was killed when an Allied bomb struck the plant where he worked. Not long afterward, the Russians invaded Poland and the area of Stettin. My mother took my sister and me and fled from the approaching enemy. Everything had to be left behind, including any photographs we had. Brother Monson, I am the little boy pictured in these photographs, and my sister is the little girl. The man and woman are our dear parents. Until today, I had no photographs of our childhood in Stettin or of my father.”

Wiping away my own tears, I told Brother Berndt the photographs were his. He placed them carefully and lovingly in his briefcase.

At the next general conference, when Dieter Berndt visited Salt Lake City, he paid a visit to Brother and Sister Edwin Cannon Jr. so that he might express in person his gratitude for the inspiration that came to Brother Cannon to retain these precious photographs and for the fact that he followed that inspiration in keeping them for 40 years.