When You're Trying to Do Good

I read this blog article last night about infertility and it really touched me. I have never experienced infertility, and it was good to learn a little more about what people with infertility go through, but the real take away for me was in a quote shared by Sheri Dew. She said, 

“If you're serious about sanctification, you can expect to experience heart-wrenching moments that try your faith, your endurance, and your patience.”

Wow wow wow... YES! I have absolutely felt these "heart-wrenching moments" as I have tried to sanctify my heart to the Lord. Sometimes it feels like I am taking one step forward, and three steps back, but it's worth it. I know that if I put my trust in the Lord I can be happy and hope, regardless. 

(This is not a recent picture, but I just found it, and it's awesome)

Last week was a whirlwind.

Monday was pretty much the worst day of my life I've had in a Long time. I was extremely depressed, which is unusual for me. Tuesday was more of the same until I 

put my baby down for a nap in the afternoon and then kneeled in front of my couch to pray. The spirit helped me to realize that for two days now (Monday and Tuesday) I had been trying to start waking up at 6 am, before my baby wakes us, to study the scriptures and spend time with the Lord. I realized that when you want to make a positive change in your life you will have opposition; and usually the intensity of the opposition will be as bad as the change is good. I guess that means studying the scriptures is REALLY good.

After my scripture study on Tuesday I felt great! On Wednesday I was on top of the world. (Yeah, my scripture study was THAT awesome). Then on Thursday I had some digestion trouble which triggered a Crohn's flare up, so for two whole days I was as sick as sick can be, and now I am finally feeling back to normal. Because of being so sick I haven't read my scriptures at all for several days. It's time to get back up at 6 am tomorrow. 

Oh, and PS you know how my last post was about wanting to have Family Home Evenings now and I gave you my lesson plan for last Monday? It totally didn't happen because I was so depressed. Perhaps that's another reason my emotions were attacked so viciously.

Moral of the story: Be good. Prayer works. Try to have joy in the journey. Trust in God. Don't be afraid to sanctify yourself to the Lord because you're scared of the opposition. If we want to be like our Father some day we're going to need all the opposition we can get.

Family Home Evening: President Monson

Hey ya'll.

I don't know why I said ya'll... I never say ya'll.

I guess I'm feeling pretty happy today. Last night we put our swim suits on and went to the Highland Glenn Park in American Fork and SWAM in the little lake. It was SO MUCH FUN! Even Parker loved it. Then this morning we went hiking with the cub scouts at Battle Creek Falls here in PG. There's something about being outside with your family that is magical. I feel so... content. I feel like content is too wimpy of a word though. Tranquil is more like it. I feel at peace. This is good because tomorrow is Sunday and that's been the HARDEST day of the week lately. Church is right during Parker's nap time and half of the time we end up coming home early from church to put her to bed, and the other half we stay at church and almost have a nervous breakdown. Last week there were tears. Many tears and ugly crying.

It's funny that lately we've been thinking about having another baby and sometimes we think, "Yeah we can do this. It would be great having another baby!" And then Sunday rolls around and it's so horrendous that we think, "Nevermind!! Not having another baby right now!" Which is silly because Parker is an angel baby and most of the time she's amazing!

This is all a deviation from what I actually wanted to share. So we're really bad at having Family Home Evenings. Like we don't do it ever. And I really want to start.

Here are my thoughts:
1. It needs to be planned in advance or else we won't do it.
2. It needs to be simple. I'm thinking a song, prayer, story (from general conference or the scriptures), a scripture, and a treat? Something like that.
3. The goal of FHE is to bring us together, invite healthy conversation, and help us be unified. If we don't have a long spiritual lesson that's okay. I just want some good quality time with my family, and anything is better than we're doing right now.



Here is my first Family Home Evening plan that we are going to do on Monday, July 20th. I thought I would share it (and subsequent plans) in case any of you need a little help too.

Theme: President Thomas S. Monson

Song: We Thank Thee O God for a Prophet

Scripture: Doctrine and Covenants 1:38

What I the Lord have spoken, I have spoken, and I excuse not myself; and though the heavens and the earth pass away, my word shall not pass away, but shall all be fulfilled, whether by mine own voice or by the voice of my servants, it is the same.

Quote (I just like it, okay?):

“If you are still in the process of raising children be aware the the piles and piles of laundry will disappear all too soon and that you will, to your surprise, miss them profoundly.”

Story:

Brother Edwin Q. Cannon Jr., we call him Ted, was a missionary to Germany in 1938. He loved the people and served faithfully. At the conclusion of his mission, he returned home to Salt Lake City. He married and commenced his own business.

Forty years passed by. One day Brother Cannon came to my office and said he had been pruning his missionary photographs. (That’s a good word. You go through all of them, throw two away, and keep all rest.) Among those photographs he had kept since his mission were several which he could not specifically identify. Every time he had planned to discard them, he had been impressed to keep them, although he was at a loss as to why. They were photographs taken by Brother Cannon during his mission when he served in Stettin, Germany, and were of a family—a mother, a father, a small girl, and a small boy. He knew their surname was Berndt but could remember nothing more about them. He indicated that he understood there was a Berndt who was a Church leader in Germany, and he thought, although the possibility was remote, that this Berndt might have some connection with the Berndts who had lived in Stettin and who were depicted in the photographs. Before disposing of the photos, he thought he would check with me.

I told Brother Cannon I was leaving shortly for Berlin, where I anticipated that I would see Dieter Berndt, the Church leader, and that I would show the photographs to him to see if there was any relationship and if he wanted them. There was a possibility I would also see Brother Berndt’s sister, who was married to Dietmar Matern, a stake president in Hamburg.

The Lord didn’t even let me get to Berlin before His purposes were accomplished. I was in Zurich, Switzerland, boarding the flight to Berlin, when who should also board the plane but Dieter Berndt. He sat next to me, and I told him I had some old photos of people named Berndt from Stettin. I handed them to him and asked if he could identify those shown in the photographs. As he looked at them carefully, he began to weep. He said, “Our family lived in Stettin during the war. My father was killed when an Allied bomb struck the plant where he worked. Not long afterward, the Russians invaded Poland and the area of Stettin. My mother took my sister and me and fled from the approaching enemy. Everything had to be left behind, including any photographs we had. Brother Monson, I am the little boy pictured in these photographs, and my sister is the little girl. The man and woman are our dear parents. Until today, I had no photographs of our childhood in Stettin or of my father.”

Wiping away my own tears, I told Brother Berndt the photographs were his. He placed them carefully and lovingly in his briefcase.

At the next general conference, when Dieter Berndt visited Salt Lake City, he paid a visit to Brother and Sister Edwin Cannon Jr. so that he might express in person his gratitude for the inspiration that came to Brother Cannon to retain these precious photographs and for the fact that he followed that inspiration in keeping them for 40 years.

Mommy and the Christus



Hello friends... or whoever is reading my blog.

Funny story. Usually when I am done with a blog entry I post it to Facebook and then send the link to my husband. He usually responds with something like this, "Hey that was a great post. But I think you meant 'lose' not 'loose'." And then I go ugg... you're right... oh well, I don't care THAT much. 

And that's what it's like living with an english major. Haha. No bitter feelings, really. It's actually quite helpful. One of my favorite things is saying a word that he doesn't know! AND in the correct context. It's pretty exciting.

Well, that was completely off topic for what I wanted to discuss today, but I think my husband is grrrreat! And I was thinking about him. And this is my blog and I can do whatever I want. So there.

----

My baby is almost 7 months old now. The first couple months seemed to last forever (and I suppose anyone who is sleep deprived feels this way), but the last three or four months have FLOWN by! She's just starting to crawl. Actually, she CAN crawl. I've seen her do it when she wants a toy badly enough. I bet if she was around another baby who was already crawling she would crawl more.

So the other day she was sitting on her bum, which is her favorite way to be on the floor, and she was getting upset and clearly wanted me to pick her up. Instead of just giving her what she wanted I made her work for it (as I assume any good parent does). 

I reached my arms out to her, beckoning her to come to me. In that moment I saw the Christus in my mind: Jesus Christ with his arms stretched out saying, "Come unto me all ye that labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn of me; for I am meek and lowly in heart: and ye shall find rest unto your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light." 

(Matt 11:28-30)

In essence, as I reached out to her, I was saying all of these things to my sweet baby. She was tired and needed physical and emotional rest. If she is yoked with me her burden WILL be light because I am bigger, stronger, more emotionally stable, and know more than her.

As a mother I keep having experiences like these that humble me and make me realize how I am a little baby in God's eyes. I need Him like my baby needs me. He is bigger, stronger, more emotionally stable, and knows a whole lot more than me. I am grateful to be a mother. I feel like God is confirming eternal truths to me that I previously knew in my mind, but now know in my heart. 

Happy... what day is it again?

Teething Purgatory

Some moms have a really hard time with breast feeding, others struggle with their kiddo's not sleeping well through the night. The bane of my existence came when baby girl started teething. And when I say "bane of my existence," it may sound all cute and euphemistic, but it has been a real nightmare. 

She was sleeping okay through the night up until the teething came. Now one of two things happens: 

• It literally takes 3 hours of her screaming and us trying not to loose our marbles for her to finally get to sleep, or
•  She goes to sleep just fine, but then she wakes up 3 times in the night, and the third time she just doesn't go back to sleep after 4 am... Yeah, not very nice.

                                                            

I called my Mom for encouragement today and here are a few things she said.

1. Babies change so much all the time. If you're in survival mode right now, that's OKAY. This stage is not going to last forever. That makes me feel better. I am in survival mode, and it's nice to know that it's an acceptable place to be for the moment.

2. "The reward for being a grandparent is not killing your children." She said she wanted to kill all of her kids at one time or another (except for me, of course ;). This makes me feel slightly better, knowing that I'm not alone in sometimes feeling so frustrated and DONE with my crazy baby.

3. Prayer always helps. When you're at the end of your rope God will help. This actually happened last night. It was a take-3-hours-to-put-baby-to-sleep kind of night, and when I finally laid her in her crib at 12:30 am I prayed very sincerely that God would let me have a good night's sleep. Baby girl didn't wake up until 8:30. I know it was an answer to my prayers. 

Sometimes when I pray for a good night's sleep (and this is the sincere kind, not just a repetitious night time prayer) God says no. But I don't get mad at Him. He knows best. I need to develop patience and endurance, and that is only achieved by being stretched to my limits, and even a little beyond. 

I need to remember that there are seasons of life. Just as the weather changes from Summer, to Fall, to Winter, to Spring, my life will change from childhood, to adolescence, to adulthood, to changing diapers and dealing with a teething baby, to sending her off to school, to watching my grand babies grow up. This season of life is wonderful and terrible, as is every other season in life. I need to appreciate the good and deal with the bad. 

As Elder Worthlin said, "Come what may, and love it!"

  Relief Society Service Auction

                            

We had a RS Service Auction as one of our activities last night. I can not express How. Much. FUN. it was!!!! Seriously.

Here are the great things about having a service auction:

1. You get to meet new people and get to know each other better.
2. You get to serve each other at the activity and outside of the activity.
3. You get to see what talents other people have, and share your talents.
4. You get to laugh so hard while all of you fight over who gets those salted caramel rice crispy treats. 

Seriously so fun.

We accumulated points to spend by filling out two questionnaires which I made. Here's the first one:

RS Service Auction Questionnaire (205 points possible)    NAME: ______________________

5 pts If you have ever been outside of the country

5 pts If you speak a second language (sign-language included)

5 pts If you have taken a meal to someone in need in the past 6 months

5 pts If you have read the lesson prior to Sunday in the last 2 months

5 pts If you have balanced your checkbook in the past month

5 pts If you have had a new person from your area to your home for dinner in the past year

5 pts If you have organized your recipe file in the past year

5 pts If you have exercised this past month

5 pts If you have had your daily personal prayers for the past 3 months

5 pts If you have been 10 minutes early to church this past month

5 pts If you have learned a new skill in the past month

5 pts If you have cleaned a closet in the past month

5 pts If you have written a letter to a missionary in the past 3 months

5 pts If you have a monthly budget and followed it for the past 3 months

5 pts If you have given a talk in church in the past year

5 pts If you have cleaned something that didn’t want to in the past week

5 pts If you fasted on the last fast Sunday

5 pts If you have introduced yourself to a new member in the ward in the past month

5 pts If you can recite an article of faith from memory

5 pts If you know how to change a tire

5 pts If you know CPR and/or the Heimlich maneuver

5 pts If you have read out of the Bible in the past month

5 pts If you voted in the last election

5 pts If you went to bed on time last night

5 pts If you have been to the Dentist in the past 6 months

5 pts If you attended or helped with young women’s camp this year

5 pts If you kept your TV off all day today

5 pts If you gave someone a sincere compliment in the past week

5 pts If you have done something you are proud of in the past month

5 pts If you have been on a date in the past 3 weeks (husband/boyfriend/acquaintance)

5 pts If you made your bed today

5 pts If you have made a comment in a church class in the past month

5 pts If you have laughed today

5 pts If you have accepted someone’s help this past month

5 pts If you wear your seat belt

5 pts If you showered before noon today

5 pts If you have sung a church song in your home in the past month

5 pts If you keep a journal, either written or digital (blogging counts)

5 pts If you have introduced yourself to the person next to you

5 pts If you know at least one of your next door neighbors

5 pts If you have served a mission

____________  Total Points

The first one is more of a "If you did ___ then give yourself some points for being cool."

The second one is more interactive. This is a "Go find someone in the room who has ___." Last night was pretty cool because we had a little over 20 women come to the activity, and on this questionnaire there are 22 questions, so most of the women talked to EVERY sister there! How cool is that?!

“Find Someone Who” Questions -      NAME: ____________________________

You must find a different person that matches each question (10 pts each, 220 possible pts)  

1. ____________________________ has the same birthday month as you.

2. ____________________________ has the same favorite color as you.

3. ____________________________ grew up in the same state as you.

4. ____________________________ has the same shoe size as you.

5. ____________________________ loves dogs more than cats.

6. ____________________________ loves cats more than dogs.

7. ____________________________ wears reading glasses.

8. ____________________________ plays a musical instrument.

9. ____________________________ loves doing the dishes.

10. ___________________________ loves being crafty.

11. ___________________________ likes to dance.

12. ___________________________ is originally from a different country.

13. ___________________________ has pioneer ancestry.

14. ___________________________ is a convert.

15. ___________________________ can touch their tongue to their nose.

16. ___________________________ is (or would like to be) an entrepreneur.  

17. ___________________________ has an etsy shop.

18. ___________________________ has more than 5 siblings.

19. ___________________________ is an only child.

20. ___________________________ likes watching football.

21. ___________________________ still has a VCR.

22. ___________________________ has a blog.

Total Points: ________________ 

In creating these questionnaires I was very aware of our ward's demographics. There are a lot of mom's, and a lot of single sisters. I didn't want to leave anyone out, so I didn't put questions on there like "If you fed your kids dinner last night give yourself some points..."

After everyone filled out the papers, and before we started the actual auction, I gave a spiritual thought at the beginning by reading a quote by Bonnie L. Oscarson (the talk is Oh How We Need Each Other): 

The fact of the matter is, we really and truly need each other. Women naturally seek friendship, support, and companionship. We have so much to learn from one another, and we often let self-imposed barriers keep us from enjoying associations which could be among the greatest blessings in our lives.

This quote was so great! I also said that there are a lot of sisters in our ward and neighborhoods who are NOT here tonight, and they probably need service more than we do. I challenged them to leave that night and think about the people around them they could serve, even if it's just by becoming a true friend with them (which doesn't feel like service when it's sincere!......FYI). 

The thought didn't take long, but I felt the Spirit, and the message was appropriate for our setting.

I had one of the men in our ward come and be our auctioneer so the sisters planning the evening (including myself) could participate in the auction. He was animated and funny. It was perfect. 

The one thing I would change is bringing little gifts, either for everyone or just the sisters who came late and didn't accumulate any points to spend. I really hope no one felt left out, but if I do it again (or if you do one) please remember this.

I'm pretty sure this could turn into an annual RS activity. It was THAT great.

 

The Joy of Doing Nothing


Here's a very honest post from yours truly.

So... being a new mother is weird. I spend so much time on the couch feeding my baby, and holding a sleepy baby that it's like, what else do I do? So I pull out my phone and check Facebook and Pinterest. And then I realize, hey I've been on Pinterest for two hours. Ugh.

I don't think this problem is exclusive to me or other moms though. Anyone can spend all their time glued to their phone. 

Lately (meaning the last few days) I have been allowing myself to not "do" anything (at least while I'm holding my baby girl). I sit and let my brain wander and think for itself rather than let FB or Pinterest think for me. It's been pretty cool. You wanna know what you think about when you don't have to think about anything? Then don't do anything. Be still and let your mind go.

I remember several years ago at Christmas time my brother and his wife were visiting. They are pretty darn amazing, just FYI. I wanted to make a holly leaf for some project, and I decided to look pictures up on the internet to see what holly leafs looked like. My brother said NO! Don't look up pictures, make it up yourself. Did I mention that he's an artist? That little lesson has stuck with me. --Let my creative brain create something for itself, instead of copying something that's already been done." 

I thought about this lesson today as I envisioned cute Christmas pictures we could take this year. What did I do? I went on Pinterest and didn't find what I was looking for. Silly me, I should just plan it out in my mind and then execute it. No Pinterest required.

With so many distractions I can and will not be able to hear the still small voice of the Spirit unless I unplug frequently. Probably every day. Definitely every day. Here's part of a talk that Elder Packer gave in 1979!! entitled "Prayers and Answers":

Many years ago John Burroughs, a naturalist, one summer evening was walking through a crowded park. Above the sounds of city life he heard the song of a bird.

He stopped and listened! Those with him had not heard it. He looked around. No one else had noticed it.

It bothered him that everyone should miss something so beautiful.

He took a coin from his pocket and flipped it into the air. It struck the pavement with a ring, no louder than the song of the bird. Everyone turned; they could hear that!

It is difficult to separate from all the sounds of city traffic the song of a bird. But you can hear it. You can hear it plainly if you train yourself to listen for it.

It is difficult to separate from the confusion of life that quiet voice of inspiration. Unless you attune yourself, you will miss it.

Answers to prayers come in a quiet way. The scriptures describe that voice of inspiration as a still, small voice.

If you really try, you can learn to respond to that voice.

Gosh I love General Conference. 


          


When I say "do nothing" of course I don't really mean it. I mean having a still mind. Being reverent and able to be spiritually sensitive. That's not nothing! That's quite a lot of something, if you ask me. If we are always doing thing with our brains, such as:

wake up - check FB
get ready & go to work - work all day
OR stay home with baby and check Pinterest 20 times
drive home/wash dishes - listen to audible
come home - watch TV while you eat dinner
put baby to sleep - watch a movie or sit on the couch with your spouse while each of you play whatever stupid games you are addicted to on your phone
right before bed - read 10 verses of scriptures and pray as you fall asleep

Ouch. This kind of hurts my heart because of how familiar it sounds. 
If I- and we- keep doing this how do we expect the Spirit to EVER speak to us or influence us? Or perhaps the Spirit is speaking to us, but how can we listen and understand when we don't give it the time of day?

Okay, while I'm on this topic, I mentioned being reverent earlier. I've seen several pins on Pinterest about how to cutely teach your children about how to be reverent. They're all pretty much the same:

Your mouth is closed and quiet
Your arms are folded, or whatever
Your feet are still
Your eyes are attentive on the speaker or closed for prayers
blah blah blah

I'm sorry I don't mean blah blah blah. These things really are good and important. BUT What about our minds? I think to be truly reverent the most important attribute to have is a still mind. You can look like the most reverent kid in church and be SO NOT reverent. 

I'm not trying to preach. Okay, maybe I am, But not just to you, to me too. I need to be better. I need to be still. I need to unplug more often. Because I want to be spiritually sensitive. And creative. And more present for when my daughter grows older and realizes that I'm not paying attention to her. And more productive. And healthier. 

Grateful for the Rain

Last night we had Family Home Evening. Yay for us!! We've been trying to make it more of a priority, even if we just have a prayer, sing a hymn, and read part of a conference talk, which is precisely what we did last night.

We read from Elder Uchtdorf's talk entitled, "Grateful in any Circumstance." We read this section which touched both of us:

We sometimes think that being grateful is what we do after our problems are solved, but how terribly shortsighted that is. How much of life do we miss by waiting to see the rainbow before thanking God that there is rain?


                                      


This is such a good reminder to me to be grateful no matter what is happening in my life.

As I thought about this quote and about rain I thought of this:

Rain is awesome. It provides water necessary for plants to survive, and drinking water for us. It's also beautiful and fun to play in. BUT if you were outside in the storm with no shelter it would be miserable!! You would get wet and cold, and if you were outside long enough it could even be fatal.

Jesus Christ is our spiritual refuge from the storm. He is the one that makes it possible for us to be "grateful in any circumstance." 

It reminds me of this scripture in Helaman 5:12:

And now, my sons, remember, remember that it is upon the rock of our Redeemer, who is Christ, the Son of God, that ye must build your foundation; that when the devil shall send forth his mighty winds, yea, his shafts in the whirlwind, yea, when all his hail and his mighty storm shall beat upon you, it shall have no power over you to drag you down to the gulf of misery and endless wo, because of the rock upon which ye are built, which is a sure foundation, a foundation whereon if men build they cannot fall.

I have a testimony that Christ is my refuge from the storm. He makes it possible for me to smile when I feel like crying, because I have an eternal perspective that I would not otherwise have. I am grateful for President Uchtdorf's reminders, and I will try to be grateful more often.